I think I'm probably limiting my gift-giving audience here, but this situation must apply to someone, somewhere: what do you get your shrink? My first impulse was to go for a plant. Yes, a living green thing your shrink must display and tenderly care for, else it shrivels and dies. Watch it carefully over the following months for signs of deterioration. You know you're always looking for a reason to terminate treatment, and here it is!
But wait. There's something so much better. Try a Tank Book. These shrunken volumes of gloomy classic lit are packaged just like a real pack of cigarettes. It's so rare that you can give your shrink a gift so heavy with hidden portent. The ciggie packaging symbolizes your addictive needs (and is a painful reminder to your doctor just how badly they want a smoke to ward off boredom and drowsiness during session). And don't even get me started on the titles. I'm torn between Conrad's Heart of Darkness or Kafka's double whammy of The Metamorphosis and The Penal Colony. One of these tiny tomes gives your shrink endless opportunities for analysis. This isn't just a gift: it's job satisfaction wrapped in cellophane.