Making a Croc of Cocktails.

This entry isn't a gushy recommendation. This is more of a revenge hostess gift, perfect for the party held by people you don't like, who'd you'd just as soon never see again. This gift just might ensure a complete party ban for you, but at least you'll be laughing.

You know about Crocs. God, who doesn't? The hideous shoes simply meant for waddling to the beach and back (thus offending only sea gulls, and they're already so offensive that it really doesn't matter) have somehow become a part of popular culture. Crocs are everywhere, in every blinding bright color, displaying their plastic awfulness in a shameless fashion. And with these cocktail coasters, Crocs have invaded cocktail hour, too. I barely have words for how tasteless these things are. Not only because they are Crocs, but because in using them, you're resting something you're going to place in your mouth inside a sweaty little shoe. Gross.

Not only will these Croc coasters guarantee party ineligibility (at least where that hostess is concerned), they're also on sale. Why pay a lot for bad taste? Order at www.surlatable.com.

Ice Cubes Looking Round

Ah, the drinkophile. They study the bartending books like sacred texts, own every type of liquor known to man, and often try to ply you with esoteric drinks involving rye whiskey and gin. They're a hangover wrapped in a pretty friend package, but you love them anyway. And now, it's time to add to their alcoholic gadgets.

Yes, they're called ice cubes for a reason, because they're square. Except for these cubes, which are, well, looking quite round (no, not looking 'round, ice cubes have no eyes, at least not until the fifth drink). Trust the Japanese to come up with a more efficient ice cube: its spherical shape actually gives it less surface area to volume ratio, which means the "cube" melts more slowly. The result? Less diluted drinks, always a plus with the cocktail obsessed.

Locate these icy sphere molds at www.momastore.org. Send them, then get an invite for one stiff drink. Old fashioned glasses NOT included.

The Big Cheese

I'm not implying your dad is actually cheesy. Some fathers really do like their dairy, though, and this is a perfect Father's Day present for them.

Imagine: your father sits down in front of his sport of choice, in front of him a sumptuous cheese selection and an alcoholic beverage. What could be better? Pictured is the Father's Day selection (Comte, a hard cheese, and a blue), but there's other selections offered. Pick from cheeses for white or red wine, or even go for the beer selection (Arrogant Bastard Ale, anyone?). Sure, if he indulged like this everyday, he'd have a coronary, but it's Father's Day! Why not make it a special occasion?

You'll find all the aforementioned cheesy gifts at www.artisinalcheese.com. Locate beer, wine and crackers on your own.

Pac Man Fever

This is probably not a news flash for anyone, but Father's Day is this Sunday. Easily the most frustrating of gifty holidays, since Dad is always notoriously difficult to gift. Luckily for many, Dad is also immature, so this present might suffice far better than that Vineyard Vines tie you were considering.

I'm talking Pac Man. Remember the classic video game (if you don't, chances are your Dad does, and has played his fair share). This little yellow big mouth has been gobbling ghosts since the 80's, and can now reside in your Dad's kitchen. The funny Pac Man potholder is tough as nails, thanks to super heat-resistant silicone construction. Dad could even use his little friend for barbecuing. Or, he might just run through the house, terrorizing his kids/grandkids with it. His choice.

The thing this gift doesn't include is the classic Pac Man beeper theme song. You'll have to download that ringtone for your father's cell if you require musical accompaniment. Find Mr. Man at www.fredflare.com.

Cookie for Tushies

Sometimes there's an item that's just so cute, I have to promote it. Generally, I think there are too many decorative pillows in the world (and especially on people's living room couches, preventing me from sitting down). But this one is great and serves multi-gifting uses, from a new baby to a wedding present.

This is one big fortune cookie. Made of recycled felt (from plastic bottles), it's soft and squishy yet still entirely representative of what it's supposed to be in all its cookie glory. It even has a pocket, so you can craft your own "good fortune" message and stuff it in there. Later in the pillow's life, this pocket will become the repository for all sorts of things, some welcome and some literally leftovers. But, for now, the pocket is a great opportunity for personal communication.

This incredible pillow of good fortune is available through Diffraction Fiber at etsy.com. This company also makes a great fried egg version if you want a savory companion.

Wooly Pockets for Weetle Plants

Gardening is an endless task. And there's always something new for the dedicated gardener to tackle, like, say, vertical wall gardens. Hanging gardens are an ancient idea (think of the original hanging gardens, one of the seven wonders of the world), but seem like they'd need some feat of engineering to pull them off. Not anymore.

Say hello to Wooly Pocket, the new container system for ambitious gardeners. Each container (the Wooly Pocket) is a soft, flexible enclosure for groups of plants. When mounted on the wall (their site gives excellent instructions), the pockets keep moisture away from the wall but still allow the plant to breathe. They're available in both floor models (The Meadow) and wall mounted versions (Wooly Wallys), so you can double your wooly planting enjoyment. And, the Wooly Pockets are made of 100% green materials, for a truly green garden.

Wooly Pockets are pretty reasonably priced, too, so you can purchase a three wall mount set for your favorite green thumb. I'm sure a hanging garden fit for a Babylonian princess is in their future. Find out all about Wooly Pockets at www.woolypocket.com.

For the Tragic Poetess

Almost every female undergrad has had a Sylvia Plath obsession at one time or another. But only the coolest went directly for the motherlode of female tragedy and rage, Anne Sexton.  Angry, needy, and able to rewrite the Brothers Grimm into something entirely new and infinitely creepier, Sexton had sex appeal and tragedy all wrapped up (but without the tinge of the pathetic).

So check out this gift for your favorite poetess (currently undergrad or not). Leviticus jewelry offers this simple pendant sporting Sexton's defiantly provocative mug. She can sport it to book group (forget chick lit) and start some real conversation (Ballad of the Lonely Masturbator, anyone?). After all, Sexton would sanction the shaking up of the status quo.

The Anne Sexton pendant is available at www.leviticusjewelry.com. And throw in a volume of Sexton's poems while you're at it.