Keep Away From Elijah

Let's face it: the terms "yummy dessert" and "Passover Seder" aren't usually uttered in the same breath. While this traditional jewish holiday boasts many great foodstuffs, the cardboard-like flourless parve desserts aren't usually amongst them.

But perhaps this chocolate orange Passover torte from venerable Zingerman's will make you pass over that assumption. Zingerman's uses matzo meal, almonds, high quality orange oil and the highest quality (Callebaut ring any bells?) chocolate to create one rich, delicious confection. It's a dessert worthy of that homemade gefilte fish (which the kids look at with horror), the hopefully light and fluffy matzo balls floating in perfectly seasoned soup, and the classic brisket. The exception? The Manischewitz wine. Nothing can really improve on that in any positive way.

Make haste! Order this torte immediately at www.zingermans.com. And know that you'll have to steer Elijah away from this confection and toward the Manischewitz.

Saggy Bottom Blues

Occasionally, The Toad finds something so wretched, so unattractive, so absurd, she feels compelled to post about it, just to complain. This is one of those posts.

I've felt for a while now that those low-crotched harem pants are a very bad idea. It doesn't matter whether you're fat or thin, because you'll look like an elephant in them. I've heard them termed "dump pants," and I think that's their true purpose (sufferers of irritable bowel syndrome, this might be your fashion moment, but it's bad for everyone else). At least when they're in soft jersey or sweat material, though, they have a soft fluidity, a comfy aspect that might work around the house (especially if you live alone and refuse to answer the door when wearing them). But these are harem jeans. Say what? Harem jeans, which mean that the stiff, unyielding denim crotch and tush on these jeans is too long, thus making the wearer look deformed. There is no good way to wear this style. Not with boots. Not with a crop top. And not with hooker platform heels. It's hopeless, people, and this item's very existence makes me fear for fashion's future.

These horrible ill-conceived jeans are at www.shopbop.com. But I have no idea why you'd bother buying them.

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Bringin' Whoopie

As springtime goes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb (or, in L.A.'s case, in like a soggy cat and out like a crabby goat), our hearts turn to the sweeter things in life. You know: chocolate bunnies and those dubious Passover cakes made from reconstituted sawdust. But what if you want something different?

That's where all the fun comes in. Ever heard of Whoopie Pies? Just the name makes me giggle, and the thought of bringing a pile of them to some party fills me with inexplicable glee. There's nothing particularly exotic about these "pies." Originally dreamed up by the Amish (maybe they have more fun than originally thought), Whoopie Pies are yummy cakey cookies held together by creamy filling. And Dean and Deluca offer some of the best, from chocolate to pumpkin to pistachio orange. Bring a dozen to the next soiree and watch the spring pigs swill them up.

Go to www.deandeluca.com and order a mess of Whoopie. Your hosts will be so glad to see you coming.

Travel Bug

Now's just about that time of year when everyone wants to run someplace else. Anywhere else, really. And sometimes that includes air travel, with all its new customs and inconveniences. Carry on is key, but hard to pull off.

That's why this set is so perfect for that frequent (or just hopeful) traveler in your life. Beautifully compressible, rugged and spacious, this set holds dainties, dirties, and toiletries compactly in carry on baggage. Plus, neat and tidy never looked so good. They're sold by those intrepid travel experts at Flight 001, so you know they'll last through many a trans-continental voyage. These bags make packing a breeze.

At $98, these aren't that cheap. But quality travel never is. Find these essentials at www.flight001.com. Now if only you could help get them an upgrade.

Away to the Circus

Even though it's still pouring down rain in L.A., spring is pretty much here. And with spring comes the dreaded getting back onto shape. But exercise for you and your friends doesn't have to be a drag.

For instance, you could run away to the circus. Cirque School has opened in Hollywood, and it transforms working out into play. Run by real aerial artists (of the Cirque de Soleil category, not Barnum and Bailey), this huge warehouse space is full of stationary trapezes, fabric, ropes, and even a practice tightrope (don't worry, it's just inches off the ground) for developing real aerial skills. I'm not going to lie: the work is challenging. But it's rare to find a workout in which you lose yourself in the challenge and the process so completely. And you'll develop strength and flexibility like crazy.

The school offers both Flexibility (90 minutes of hardcore stretching) and an Aerial Fitness class that's run like a circuit training class (teacher Aloysia keeps you moving and deeply engaged). Check out everything this fabulous school has to offer at www.cirqueschoolla.com. And run away forever from boring workout routines!

My Big Fat Sweetie Pie

There's always a good occasion for cookbook giving, especially if it's a really good cookbook. This one, I think, should be an unlikely candidate, yet I've become a reluctant fan.

I speak of the cookbook, Down Home With the Neelys. You're probably familiar with the Neelys, all snuggly and treacly and full of deep love innuendo, as they craft truly sinful southern cuisine. Frankly, their show makes me feel like I need to see the dentist (and a personal trainer). All that cooing and lover's talk is just nauseating. But for some reason, their cookbook fell into my life. And whoa (and woe) I'm sold. Every recipe I've made out of the thing has been a knockout. That's pretty impressive, since I've had cookbooks I just read and never use. The Key Lime Bar recipe is literally to die for, the beef stew rendition the best I've tasted in years. And don't get me started on the chicken with creole mustard sauce. Be warned: this is not diet food. This is special occasion, throw nutrition to the wind sort of food.

Find the Neelys' southern opus at www.amazon.com. And you might want to order some exercise books while you're there, just for balance and all.