A Disaster of a Gift

So everyone has a friend who just invites disaster. If she has a date, she gets a laser procedure that day and looks like a canned ham. She plans a party and leaves the mayo out in the sun a bit too long (mass food poisoning). She's voted most likely to trip while simply walking down the street; she has a perpetual underwear malfunction.

Yes, it's amusing and tragic. And you might as well play along, since there's no fixing the disaster prone people in your life. Embrace it instead! Give her this Pandora's Box jewelry case. You know the story of this Grecian filly: she was handed a box and told never to open it, yet of course she couldn't resist and managed to spring all the world's ills onto mankind. The one entity that didn't escape the box? Hope. What a wonderful message and sentiment for your catastrophe causing buddy.

At only $30, Pandora's Box leaves you some funds left over for a reasonably priced trinket to stash inside. Find it at Kikkerland. And tell her to never give up.

Miniature Landscapes for Mom

The rush is officially on! Mother's Day is on Sunday, and right now there's a whole lot of people out there, cluelessly asking themselves, "When is Mother's Day again?" Woe to them. Hell hath no fury like a Mommy scorned.

Since we're down to the wire, it's time to pull out the local stops. Like these super cool, totally original little (and some not so little) plantings from notable Atwater Village store Potted. This is no ordinary plant store, and these are not ordinary plants. Every one of these miniature landscapes features a found object as the container (recently, I spotted one made from an old tennis ball canister), and has strategically planted succulents and cacti, as well as random bits of whimsy (crystals, unusual rocks, small plastic toys). Each one is like a little piece of living funky art. And the brilliant thing is, these require very little work. Thus, even a mother with the blackest of thumbs can probably manage one of these plantings (they pretty much will thrive on benign neglect).

These are only locally available, so those out of area readers are out of luck. But for lucky Angeleno moms, one of these tableaus is a wonderful gift. Check it out at www.pottedstore.com. If you give them a call, they might build one just for your madre.

LA Blooms For LA Moms

Ok, I know that I ragged all over the idea of flowers in previous entries, but sometimes you realize that flora is really what Mom wants, and part of good gifting is delivering what the giftee desires.

Besides, this is a flowering plant, not an arrangement. That means that it can sit on a table for many months or even years, if properly tended. And it's not just any flowering plant, it's an orchid. A very pretty orchid. For Los Angeles, a very reasonably priced orchid. How does the Toad know this? Hey, she gets around. There's some prohibitively expensive plant life getting delivered this week throughout the LA basin. Like, over a hundred clams for a fancy arrangement that'll just wither and die. These long lived orchids, on the other hand, range between $40-$150 (the plant pictured is the $40 one). That's a great deal!

Unfortunately for those non-Los Angeles dwellers, this service isn't available outside the LA area. Sorry. Go to Orchid Express and do the whole order over that new fangled internet. It'll save you a bundle and impress that mother.

Stylin' Wonder Woman

Yes, that's what you should call your mom from now on. Especially if she's the type of mom who would appreciate this incredibly hip Mother's Day gift.

Now, the Toad's not totally superhero ignorant. She knows that, for true Wonder Woman style, you'd have to purchase two of these seemingly weighty bracelets in gold (this model only comes in silver). But since this is actually a pretty nice present, Mom will have to ricochet bullets off of just one wrist for the time being. Made of pewter coated in silver, this seemingly inflexible band of metal is actually craftily strung together using some sort of super durable elastic. The result? This bracelet is as easy to wear as an old fashioned sweat wristband from the '70s (something Mom can probably recall, however hazily). And it's very lightweight, so she can be comfortably armed and ready for action every single day.

Find this adornment for the Wonder Woman in your life at the Los Angeles store Happy (there's even an online discount for Mother's Day). It might not give her superpowers, but it'll make her feel super special.

Mother's Little Helper

Stress is just a killer for mothers, often even on Mother's Day. After all, that breakfast in bed of cereal, burnt toast and freshly squeezed orange juice with the seeds is delicious and all, but the prospect of cleaning a kitchen that looks like scorched earth is enough to keep her in bed for the duration.

Short of a jumbo Ativan prescription, what type of little helper would assist Mother? How about an herbal tea that might actually work? This Kava Stress Relief formula from Yogi Tea is Toad-tested (herself a stressed mother), and was found to be effective. The Toad doesn't know whether the Kava really has enough efficacy in the diluted tea to have a relaxing effect, or if it's just placebo in action. Nor does she care. She thinks it works, and maybe your Mom will think it works, too. Hey, it sure beats an after dinner martini.

This Kava tea is hard to find in stores, so order it from Yogi Tea online. It's the legal Mother's Little Helper.

Cubism for Momma

Flowers are the go to gift for Mother's Day. Everywhere you look, the flower peddlers are pushing their perishable wares. And yes, flowers are pretty. But they die. So what about something alive, long lasting, and modernist?

In this case, think cubed. These cube terrariums are like a permanent piece of living art for your Mom's coffee table, office desk, dining table, or window sill. Filled with little air plants, the glassed in tableaus require nothing more than a spritz of water every now and then, so even if Mom has a coal black thumb she can probably keep these lovelies alive (they certainly stand a better chance than those cliched dozen roses, soon to droop and disintegrate within a week).

These comely cubes come in three sizes. You could order little ones as placecard holders for a tres chic Mother's Day brunch, or just order the biggest and let it impact solo. Locate cubes and cublets alike at www.floragrubb.com.

Detergent Double Duty

The entire next week is devoted to that most obligatory (and somewhat insulting) holiday, Mother's Day. Don't get the Toad wrong. Mothers deserve nothing but respect, admiration, and foot massages on demand. It's just that a single paltry day per year of fatty brunch and wilting flowers doesn't quite cut it.

Still, one day a year is what we're working with, and you MUST participate in this holiday and buy your maternal figure something. Like this lovely porcelain detergent bottle. While for some, this stylishly plain wrap item only evokes endless hours of slaving in a hot laundry room, other mommies will see the clever irony in this gift. They'll proudly serve milk, iced tea, or rum punch from the distinctive container, and watch the beverage sniffing and paranoia begin. This bottle is both a practical piece and a creamily white veiled threat. Happy Mother's Day!

For the presentation, a single gerber daisy in a pop art color jammed into the top would be most appropriate. Find it at The Curiosity Shoppe. A tiny bottle of Tide, although not included, would be cute too.