A Little Prickly V-Day Present

When you're in a relationship on Valentine's Day, you know that if you buy either flowers or candy, you're pretty much off the hook. But what about single dwellers? How about giving a single friend a V-Day nod?

Take this prickly little cactus, for instance. It looks real, but it's actually knit from woolly yarn. The benefit to this is that you can give it to any black thumb and it will most likely survive. It also won't wilt and croak in a week like flowers do, or just add to the fat like candy might. Plus, this gift is funny. Especially for a single woman. Do I need to spell it out for you?

Each one of these pseudo desert dwellers is handmade and pretty inexpensive (the one pictured is just ten bucks). Find an assortment of crocheted cacti at Etsy.

Gourmet Sweets for Your Sweetie

Interestingly enough, everyone I know (including me) pretty much thinks Valentine's Day is a big joke, but everyone still participates in it at some level. It's a herd mentality, my friends, the idea that you might lose your love if you don't at least make a half-assed effort.

And how hard is it, really, to scribble a card and buy some chocolate? With this new fangled Internet thing, not hard at all! You can go crazy with the chocolate, especially if your love truly appreciates the good stuff. Take, for instance, this Cuaco dark chocolate bar with panko breadcrumbs and sea salt. Sounds weird? It's fantastic! Dark, almost savory rich chocolate with a gritty crunch and yummy salty aftertaste, almost like a reverse chocolate tempura. It's totally addictive. This brand has a ton of wonderful flavors; my other favorite is the Firecracker, stuffed with pop rocks sizzling candy. It literally explodes in your mouth, which could make for some fun adventures on V-Day.

Invest in a three pack of candy bars for your special person. It's a sensual chocolate adventure, and you can find it at Cuaco.

Getting All Squirrelly For Spring

You know spring is on its way in Los Angeles when the squirrels start raiding your citrus supply. I currently have a critter roughly the size of tractor trailer who steals whole Cara Cara pink oranges off my tree and eats them with gusto, while mocking the cat. He is bad news.

But hey, in the product world, squirrels are the new owls. Sparkly, energetic, and possessed of much fluff, squirrels are like uppity rabbits: cute, but with an edge. And this squirrel is definitely the best kind. It's inanimate, for one, so it's not going to destroy your winter fruit crop. Plus, it's cast iron and thus useful as a door stop, or as a garden mascot of sorts. Perhaps it would even scare the real squirrels away, although I highly doubt it. Buy it for a person longing for spring, and it gives them hope that the season will actually arrive.

This bushy tailed creature is just $15 at At West End. It's the first sign of going nuts for spring.

A Bad Hat

No, this isn't about the badly behaved boy on the playground. It's about bad French fashion.

Just look at this hat. Look at it. Have you ever seen such an amazing example of an attractive person looking like a total twit? This, my friends, is what's being sold as some cutting edge French headwear statement. You're looking at the yellow model here, but they're available in a veritable rainbow of awfulness. Pick your favorite shade, and then get out there and do your best conehead imitation. I can't think of any weather condition to justify this sort of headgear, unless it's a total whiteout so no one has to see it.

But hey, it's French. Someone, somewhere, will think it's fabulous. You, on the other hand, will eye it and sigh with the satisfaction that you didn't pay over two hundred bucks to look like a tool. At
Mistraou.

Giving Plastics A Facelift

I'm always on the lookout for sort of one stop gift shopping in L.A. and online. So periodically, I check in with stores in the area, looking to see if anything's changed. I hit the gift jackpot with Plastica.

Plastica has happily resided on Third St. for years now, but recently it expanded. The result is really fabulous. The previous smaller storefront was cute but cluttered, making shopping less than a pleasure. The new space, though, is flooded with light and stocked full of fabulous stuff. I know what you're thinking: "Plastics, bad." Well, not so. Many of the plastic items Plastic carries are produced from recycled goods. Plus, once a plastic molecule is here, it's going to remain here forever; you may as well buy an item and use the hell out of it (not buying a plastic item doesn't make it disappear from the universe). Gifts here range from felt iPad sleeves to recycled plastic outdoor rugs to children's toys (many made from wood, not plastic). And it's all reasonably priced. 



 Pay the store a visit and stock up on gifts, or go to the Plastica site. Seriously, this store has gone from being a retail afterthought to a destination.

Out, Damn Stink

It's mid January in Los Angeles, and it's a stinky time of year. I swear, the dog is itchy and stinking it up, my kid seems smelly and unwashed, and don't even get me started on the kitchen. And I clean up all the time, I swear it.

One thing I really can't tolerate are stinky hands. I cook a lot, and as all cooks know, scents like garlic and onion are lovely in food but foul on fingertips at 3 am. It occurred to me that if I have this problem, many others are suffering as well. This newish soap from Method really does the trick. I don't know what they put in there (although knowing the brand I'm sure it's at least somewhat non-toxic), but this liquid soap zaps the stink. It also leaves the kitchen smelling great, although still smelling like food. There's a lemongrass version, but I prefer the basil. It reminds me of summer, which is comforting in this pallid time of year.

The great thing about this soap is that it's only five bucks and lasts awhile, so you can stock up and even present it (along with other strategically chosen items) as a gift for the cook in your life. Then, say goodbye to disgusting digits. At Method, or a supermarket near you.

A Helpful or Hostile Gift: Your Choice

Gentlemen, there is no need to read further, as this "gift" idea does not concern you. This is a lady problem. A problem involving a most delicate area. We're talking camel toe here, wenches.

Don't act like you don't know what the dreaded camel toe is. You do. You see it on your friends, and you'd like to mention it, but somehow it seems beyond the pale. Humiliating, exposing, and somehow just plain filthier than being all out naked, camel toe is one of the more horrible things to accompany going commando. Apparently, some marketing genius thought the same, and invented Cuchini, the stick on disposable smoother that is strategically placed and stuck over the lady parts in question. Problem solved!

The beauty of this gift, of course, is that you can send a packet to a friend as a big favor, or send one anonymously (through the site) to an enemy for the ultimate in paranoia inducing gifting. Plus, you get to go to the Cuchini site and see the celebrity pics of camel toe sufferers, which will give you roughly thirty seconds of hilarity. Enjoy, ladies! See Cuchini here.