Bad Exposure

Yes, now that it's June I must get on the Summer Train. There's plenty of wonderful summery objects and products to extoll. First, though, I need to have some fun.

The Toad is an amphibian who loves some summer water fun, and she loves a great bathing suit. So, when I find one that absolutely is unflattering, an overpriced upscale designer product, AND can't even be worn in the water, I have to wail my disgust. This is such a bathing suit. Found in Shopbop's sale selection (still at a hefty price), this "one piece" bathing suit is from designer Herve Leger, known primarily for those bandage dresses that make starlets look like sausages. It's so lovely that he's decided to extend his penchant for the squished and tubular to bathing suits. My general rule of thumb is that, if an item looks crappy on the model, it will look doubly crappy on you. So check it out. What the hell is up with this model's belly button? Is the vertical navel the new body rage? This suit is so nasty, so unforgiving, that it manages to contort and distort a woman whose body fat is likely below 15 percent. Quite an accomplishment, Herve!

It didn't actually say in the short online explanation that this work of art couldn't be submerged in the ocean (or even a salt water pool), but I've read elsewhere that this is so. That fact makes this suit even more of an outrage: she looks awful, and she can't even hide it underwater.

For a better selection of affordable suits that stay on, wear well, and are flattering for real figures, try Athleta instead. And leave this Leger lingering on the sale site forever.