Pants for the Fitness Princess

These will stay on through a hurricane.

As a devotee of aerial arts, I believe I know something about fitness pants. They need to stay on, but not bind. They need to not boast extraneous material. They need to wear like iron. And, finally, they need to flatter, not flatten.

Lululemon's Wunder Under Pant (in long and cropped versions) checks every one of those boxes. They stay on even when dangling upside down with the ropes dragging down my back; I feel I've put these pants through its paces. If they're tough enough to last two years of trapeze, a couple years of yoga or running is a cakewalk. And the other pant models, more designed for yoga with more room, are also very nice and fit beautifully. Somehow, the butt is always lifted in Lululemons. I highly recommend, then, that you either purchase pants or give a gift card to the fitness princess on your holiday list. What I don't recommend is going into a Lululemon store to buy the goods. Stick to online.

You know why? Because never in my life have I encountered such dim sales help. When the very thin and hot salesgirl (she was a girl, people, not a woman) asked me what sort of fitness I did, and I replied, "Aerial," she was very confused. Then, the sales guy (yes, he was a guy, not a boy or a man), asked if it was "Like what they do at the Santa Monica Pier." "No, it's the same as Cirque du Soleil," I replied.

His response? "Oh, I'd rather go skydiving." Ok, then. Because heaving oneself out of a plane takes so much athletic prowess. Wow. Just wow.

So please: order online at Lululemon. It's so much easier, they have all the pants, and the site won't leave you speechless.